


Meaning

by TheLordofPhantomhive



Category: sweet pool
Genre: Baby, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Pillow Fights, Secret Santa, This is fluff, also a lowkey existential crisis, and it indeed was the first time i held him too, i wrote about my life experience with babies on this, jfc i wrote secret sanga the fandom has ruined me i need help, like yes i indeed had a baby shit on me less than 2 hours ago, lots of fluff, poop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9088096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLordofPhantomhive/pseuds/TheLordofPhantomhive
Summary: There are things one cannot understand unless one lives them, and a single, average day for most people gave Youji's life a new meaning. He comes to understand why Love is a driving force in the world, and what different types of love are like.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A very late Secret Santa gift for kaieru on tumblr! This was really fun to write, I really loved it. I'm sorry I couldn't exactly fulfill your wish, but here it is!

_ “Sakiyama…” _

 

His deep voice yet gentle tone. The way in which those light brown eyes of his met mine. His calm, yet demanding demeanor. Those eyes that I used not to be able to understand, but that I can comprehend today, for the most part. The way he woke me up so gently, and handled me as though I were some kind of precious jewel. I groaned, looking up to meet those light brown eyes of his with my own, and feeling alive again.

 

Whenever our eyes meet, whenever I hear his voice, whenever he calls my name...my heart flutters and skips a beat. The black and white world I live in takes color, and everything seems to be completely different. I still can’t quite believe that I have him by my side. Shironuma, who has such intense eyes, and who seems so unapproachable, cold, and distant… He’s actually completely different, and can behave quite...adorably if he wishes to.

 

I could hardly believe it myself, but...after last night, when he spoke to me earnestly, and carefreely ate dinner, deciding not to pay attention the circumstances surrounding us, and deciding to give ourselves the chance to be happy, at least just for one night… Tetsuo, he… he looked at me as if I were his whole world, and was so very careful with me as we touched, as things got more intimate between us…

 

I can still feel the effects of last night taking a toll on my body, and it seems Testuo knows it, even though I haven’t said anything. It surprises me to know that he pays so much attention to the little details. Even if I don’t fully understand him yet (I feel like I almost don’t understand him at all, actually), and even if he doesn’t get all of me either, we’re working our way through it. We’ve been speaking more, in order to understand each other more.

 

He called my name, and I looked at him, the smallest of smiles tugging at my lips even though I usually never smile, mainly because I just never feel the need to. Life is not exactly happy. It gets cold and cruel, and has no mercy. No matter your age, gender, race, or religion; no matter your upbringing, or your financial status, life will always throw its curve balls at you in the most unexpected of ways, and it will make sure to make you question your choices, and thus, yourself.

 

I know this too well, mainly because at my young age, I have already gone through quite the number of things. It made me stop believing. The light behind my eyes disappeared when I was very young, and I very much doubt that it could ever return. Still, he gives me a chance. Still, he kind of understands. He didn’t at first; not at all, but he has improved a bit over time. 

 

“What… What is it…?” I ask in a low tone, and instead of responding, he wraps his arms around me and envelops me into a tight hug. We were laying in bed, having just woken up after a long night spent together all by ourselves last night. I looked at him, wondering what was up with him. He tended to be affectionate with me sometimes, but to this extent…

 

“Is something wrong, Shironuma?”

“No… Not really,” he replied, and it made me frown. If there was really nothing wrong, then why…?

 

After a while of laying around in bed like that, I wanted to get up. A look at the time on my cellphone told me it was over 11 in the morning. It was a Sunday, so there was no school, but we had still made plans for the day, and if we didn’t hurry, we would not make it in time. To remember that made me feel a little anxious.

 

“Shironuma, let me get up. We have to get ready or we’ll be late.”

 

“I know,” he said, yet he didn’t budge.

 

Well, this was starting to get a little annoying. I gave him a small glare, but still, he didn’t make a move. I then went to grab his arm and pull it away from me, but it seemed like he had read my thoughts, because it was in that very moment that his fingers made their way down to my stomach, and he started to tickle me.

 

I jumped and desperately tried to get out of his reach, but he was still stronger than me, and held me back. I was not the kind of person to laugh at all, but the tingling sensation was making my eyes water at that point, and, eventually, he  _ did _ manage to get the smallest of laughs out of me. It was then that Tetsuo seemed satisfied, and gave me a small smile.

 

It seemed like he was going to let go of me then, but I wouldn’t let him off the hook, not now, after he did that to me. I do not think my laugh suits me. It is strange and it just felt...off, so I wanted to avoid the topic too. That was the main reason why I stretched my arm out and reached out for one of the pillows that was beside me, throwing it me behind me with as much strength as I could muster.

 

I was pleased to know that it hit him right in the face, and he finally released me. I quickly turned around in order to face him, though, because I refused to let my guard down. It was then that I realized that he had wanted me to do that all along, because he was holding a pillow as well, and threw it at me. I caught it, though, and held onto it. He had another one, as well, and with his usual, intense gaze, he met my own, and thus began the pillow fight that lasted for over fifteen minutes.

 

At some point we ended up falling down from the bed and toppling down to the floor, I falling on top of Tetsuo. We had fallen down quite hard, and Tetsuo’s body had served to cushion my fall. I instantly got worried, letting go of my pillow and wrapping my arms around him instead. “Sh-Shironuma, are you okay? Did you get hurt somewhere…?” I asked quickly, worriedly, and he shook his head.

 

“I’m fine,” he assured me, sitting up, and smiling. I smiled as well, letting my guard down. He took advantage of that and pushed me down, shifting me and switching our positions. I was now laying flat on the floor, face up, and he was on top of me.

 

“What are you doin- Mm!”

 

He didn’t even let me speak, surprising me by sealing his lips with mine, and kissing me passionately. I, of course, responded, closing my eyes and kissing him back, holding him as closely as he held me. It was then that he pulled off from the kiss just to look at me, and our eyes met again.

 

Every time that happened, it was as if two contradicting forces collided. His intensity with my general apathy, because I didn’t really care about what happened to me at that point, his eagerness to do everything and my reluctance to do it, the huge amount of energy and desire to do things he generally had, and my lack of will and desire to do them. We were opposites, yet at the same time, we were the same. We completely contradicted each other, but at the same time were one and the same; partners that were just meant to be.

 

“Now, get off of me, we’ll be late…” I muttered, avoiding his eyes as I felt my face heat up. No matter how many times we kissed, I still felt as if it were the first time, and my heart always raced. Butterflies always made their way to my stomach, and I still felt my body heat up. It was embarrassing, really, but Tetsuo didn’t seem to mind.

 

It was only then that he listened to me, and got off. I sat up, feeling that discomfort on my lower back, but ignoring it for the most part. Tetsuo stood, stretching with a grunt, and offering me his hand. I took it, and he pulled me up. 

 

“At what time are we supposed to be at your sister’s place again?” he asked, and I sighed before answering.

 

“It was supposed to be at 12. It’s almost 11:30, and we’ve barely even gotten up. Of course we’re going to be late.” In fact, I’d have to call her now. Erika was not the type of person to get angry over such menial things, but her husband kind of was. It made me feel bad to know that we would keep them waiting for us.

 

“We’d better hurry up, then.”

 

“That’s what I’ve been telling you since the very beginning!”

 

\---------------------------------------------------

  
  


“You-kun, you finally came!”

My sister exclaimed this as she ran over to me, throwing herself at me, pretty much. I hugged her tightly, noticing how she was already back to her normal weight after having her baby. It had been a few weeks since I had seen her, so I was surprised. I pulled her into a tight hug, and she laughed cheerfully. Just as I predicted, she was not mad at us for coming in late, but thankful to even have us at her house in the first place. My brother-in-law, however...not so much. It made me feel quite self-conscious to be given a light glare.

 

Serizawa Yuu was a very good man, good father, and an excellent husband. He went the extra mile even for me, and paid my medical bills when I got sick and had to stay hospitalized for a while. I was immensely grateful to him, especially for taking care of my sister. She had worked hard for many years, all to raise me and to give us the best life she could. Even today, I feel bad. I basically ruined her youthful days, since she had to take care of me when she was in high school, and couldn’t go out with her friends much. Still, she never treated me like a burden, and always tried her best to make me happy even though she knew that there wasn’t much she could actually do. I was not happy, but I didn’t feel all that sad, either… I was just  _ numb _ .

 

Numb to everything, because I had already seen and felt many different things, despite how young I was. Erika knew, and thus she never tried to pushed me so I would get along with other kids my age. She felt like, eventually, I would grow as a person and open up. I  _ do _ remember her telling me something like that shortly before she got married and moved away. To this day, I still find it hard to believe. She’d have to have closed her eyes and wished for a miracle, so that my cold and distant eyes -eyes that trusted nothing and no one- drew someone in. I knew that the main reason why she had insisted on us coming to her house was because she wanted for the whole family to gather up and reunite. 

 

Because even though she didn’t know Tetsuo yet, she already considered him family. I knew it because of the way she addressed him, so warmly. Tetsuo didn’t seem to mind it much, not finding it weird or anything. After a few introductions and greetings, Erika welcomed us into her home. I quickly asked to see my nephew. He was still a newborn, but he must have grown since the last time I saw him, since babies usually grew up extremely quickly.

 

“The last room down the hall to the left, that’s Yuuji’s room. Go ahead and get him! Shironuma-kun can go as well! Wait, You-kun...have you ever held a baby before?”

 

I shook my head no and her eyes widened. “Then of course I’m not letting you just take him like that!” She exclaimed, serious but in a light tone, at the same time. I felt a little bad, but at the same time knew that this was all for both the baby’s sake and mine, so I didn’t give it too much importance. She came with Tetsuo and me to the baby’s room, and smiled as she saw the baby stir. “Yuuji! Your uncle Youji and his friend are here to see you!” She said happily, taking him into her arms.

 

“Come here, You-kun. Be careful, and make sure you hold his head. That’s the weakest part… There you go! He looks exactly like you!”

For the first time in the longest time, a sincere smile made its way out of me as I held him, and realized just how insignificant life could be when you spoke about your own, yet how life seemed like the greatest treasure of all when it was the case of someone like this. At this moment, Yuuji was completely dependent of his parents, but as time passed, he would develop, and grow stronger. Before we realized it, he would be able to walk and speak. Soon enough, he will be able to write, and a little bit after that, he’ll learn how to read. And before we knew it, he will probably be a young man, already in high school, and we would be older and older. 

 

Still, never did I think that the moment in which I held my nephew for the first time would be the moment in which I would realize just how precious and ephemeral life really is. In the future, Yuuji may think of his existence as something futile and insignificant, because he does not remember the moment of his birth. He is not aware of just how many people there are who care about him and love him; who want him to be OK and happy. Realizing this made me feel a little sad, but I stored that sadness and put it away for another time. This was the very first time I held my nephew. I was not about to let myself feel depressed just like this.

 

Yuuji began to cry, and I shook him gently while he was in my arms, trying to soothe him. Erika laughed. “I’ve been having trouble with making him fall asleep, too. Let’s see if you can manage!”

 

The whole time, Tetsuo had stayed quiet, only looking at us. Watching me interact with my sister, it seemed. It looked as though he were observing me and trying to notice if there were any changes in me, whether they be inside, or out. His lips curved into a smile at the same time I heard it; a rather loud… fart. It was at that moment that I felt something quite on my right hand; the one that was holding his bottom. 

 

“Ah, he pooped! You-kun, pass him over to me so I can change his diaper.” My sister took the baby from me and I stood there, frozen in place. This had been disgusting but rather cute at the same time, and I had no idea how I felt about that. I noticed that Erika said something, but I couldn’t quite catch it, and it seemed like Tetsuo answered. She broke out into a rather loud laugh.

 

“You-kun, I’ve heard that they consider that good luck on the other side of the globe! Go wash your hands!”

 

I glanced at her, rather shocked. How could that be considered good luck? That was just weird… I put myself back together for the most part, and went to the washroom. As I made sure to thoroughly wash my hands, I ended up thinking. I had already witnessed how one’s life could change for the worse after just one day, after just one specific event that could change everything. However, I’d never thought that in just one day, one could choose to look at life from a different perspective. I did not think that the domesticity of waking up on a warm bed with the person I hold very close to my heart beside me could make me want to wake up another day, or that holding my sister’s baby for the first time could make me want to live for many years to come, in order to see him grow. I did not think that one small life could cause so much change in many others, and now that I had seen it, I could barely believe it.

 

My sister, Yuuji, and Tetsuo were precious to me, and I wished to spend at least the majority of the rest of my days with them all just so I could see them, and love them…

 

_ But little did I know that that would be the last time I saw Erika and the baby, and that such a tragedy would befall Tetsuo and me not long after that day... _

**Author's Note:**

> A not so happy ending because what is life without a little angst;;;


End file.
